Clarifying Priorities in Interpersonal Situations

The DBT Skills Challenge

Skillset

Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills: Obtaining Objectives Skillfully

Overview

Clarifying Priorities in Interpersonal Situations is a DBT skill essential for effectively navigating the complexities of personal interactions. It helps individuals identify and balance their objectives concerning three main goals: objectives effectiveness, relationship effectiveness, and self-respect effectiveness.

Description

This skill involves a thoughtful process of determining the relative importance of three primary objectives in any interpersonal scenario:

Objectives Effectiveness (Getting What You Want): This involves clearly understanding and pursuing what you want from an interaction, whether it's a favor, support, information, or resolving a conflict.
Relationship Effectiveness (Keeping and Improving the Relationship): This focuses on maintaining and enhancing the relationship. It emphasizes the importance of interactions that contribute to a positive and enduring relationship, even when managing difficult conversations or negotiations.
Self-Respect Effectiveness (Keeping or Improving Self-Respect): This ensures that actions and choices within interactions align with personal values and ethics, supporting one's integrity and self-esteem.

Clarifying these priorities requires individuals to assess each situation to determine which objective takes precedence, based on their values and the specific context of the interaction. This assessment then guides the selection and application of corresponding DBT skills to achieve the desired outcomes effectively.

When to Use

This skill is particularly useful in varied interpersonal situations:

Negotiations: Balancing the need to achieve personal objectives with the health of the relationship.
Conflicts: Choosing strategies that respect personal values while addressing and resolving disagreements.
Relationship Building: Ensuring interactions contribute positively to the relationship's longevity and quality.

Benefits

Effectively clarifying and balancing these priorities offers numerous benefits:

Enhanced Decision-Making: Provides a clear framework for making decisions that reflect one’s goals and values in interpersonal interactions.
Improved Relationships: Supports the development of healthier, more sustainable relationships through mindful interaction.
Increased Self-Esteem: Promotes actions that are congruent with personal values, thereby boosting confidence and self-respect.

Common Challenges

Navigating these priorities can present several challenges:

Conflict Between Objectives: Situations where different objectives compete for precedence can create internal conflict and complicate decision-making.
Maintaining Balance: Continuously assessing and balancing these objectives in dynamic interpersonal exchanges requires practice and presence of mind.
Communication Barriers: Effectively communicating one’s needs and maintaining openness to others’ perspectives is crucial and can be difficult.

By mastering the skill of clarifying priorities in interpersonal relationships, individuals can navigate complex social interactions more effectively, ensuring that their actions consistently align with their desired outcomes for the relationship, personal objectives, and self-respect. This approach not only fosters greater personal satisfaction but also enhances the quality of interactions and relationships.